BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! It's 5:00 am. As I lay in bed, I begin the daily debate of hitting the gym or the snooze. Snooze wins. BEEP! BEEP! It's 5:15 am and I could get up now and get in 45 minutes of cardio before work but my body just wants to rest. So in round two of stair-climber versus slumber, sleep wins again. 6:30 am Time to get up. I make some breakfast, get ready for work and...sigh...with guilt I change AM Workout to PM Workout on my to-do list. I know that I probably won't be up for going to the gym after work, but at this point in the day I'm optimistic this will...okay, might get crossed off.
There's no greater feeling than crossing something off the to-do list. Each night I make a list for the following day. I plan out errands I need to accomplish, meals for the day, and hourly schedule. When I was in 6th grade, I remember my dad gave me a big yellow legal pad and taught me the importance of making lists like this. At first I hated writing down the chores I had to complete but now it's become a hobby.
As Ice Cube once rapped, "Life ain't a track meet, it's a marathon", and lately I've felt disappointed in myself when I can't keep up in this race. My energy level isn't quite up to par and with all that's going on inside internally, it frustrates me when it affects me externally. I know that I have great expectations for myself, but maybe I'm setting the bar too high some days. As my mother reminds me, my body is fighting against a disease, and the result of that is going to be fatigue. Although I fight to accept it - it's more than okay to take the time I need to relax. Adding stress to that mix, especially my self imposed stress of completing this daily to-do list, does not help. So the "The List" has been modified. I stick to a few things I want to accomplish for the week and don't make an hourly schedule for myself. I still write down what I eat because it helps me focus on eating healthier (and I'm obsessed with food). So if I don't accomplish a 5 am workout these days, that's okay because I know that I'm at least crossing off "make health and sleep a priority".
Sigh. Nothing like a well-crafted list. I have no excuse for my workout aversion :)
ReplyDeleteThe only lists I ever make are in my head and at the age of 65 that's like no list at all...lol!
ReplyDeleteGood post - we can all identify with lists, good intentions, etc. Even if we don't accomplish it all - the list does help to get some things done - so be okay with that. Rest is a big priority for you because it is obvious you are fatigued - so don't fight it so much. Do something small - 10 min walk, or arm weights -if that makes you feel a little better. The gym will be there when you are recovered!!
ReplyDeleteHi Katie! I am so excited to be the latest follower of your blog. It is great reading...and I love your Aunt Maureen's comments :) You are in our thoughts everyday and our prayers every night at dinnertime. Love you! Aunt Meg
ReplyDeleteHi Katie,
ReplyDeleteEnjoy reading your blog. You are really a great writer! Been praying for you everyday that you find strength. You already have courage. As far as this latest post about lists, I never write them. Too much pressure. I do have certain things I want to get accomplished during the day. If I do one or two, I am very happy. Love you always, Aunt Kathleen