Salads, Seat Belts and Other Things That Scare Me

October is upon us and the reminder that Halloween is just around the corner is well...actually the annual reappearance of the costume store on the corner of Belmont and Sheffield. Another reminder is the abundance of horror movies that are released and promoted in every other commercial this time of year.

I hate scary movies. The closest you can get me to watch a film of this nature is Disney's The Nightmare Before Christmas (and that's only if you hold my hand during all scenes and musical numbers in Halloween Town).

However, I would rather be handcuffed to a chair and watch the Exorcist then do any of the following:

1. Eat a salad: Would love to be one of those people who is a slave to the cafeteria salad bar at lunchtime or orders off of the vast, delicious menu of green goodness at Panera. Unfortunately my digestive system can't handle veggies that well... Caesar Salad = Texas Chainsaw Massacre of abdominal pain.
2. Take a plane, train, or automobile: Yes, I understand that due to safety precautions, airlines must have a strict policy when it comes to remaining in your seat with one's belt fastened. However, the thought of sharing a confined space and bathroom with 200-300 other people during a limited amount of time where passengers are "free to move about the cabin" is dreadful. Thanks to the beverage cart and turbulence, my stomach is usually shifting along with the contents of the overhead bin. Trains are a little scary too...especially if it's the El which does not have bathrooms (Amtrak does thank goodness). Put me on the Blue Line with a Starbucks Skinny Vanilla Latte, and I will come after you like Jason. Cars are usually fine for the most part (except on fiver hour long car rides or rush hour traffic). Talk about road rage.  
3. Attend an event involving large crowds: You say Lollapalooza, and I say Looong-line-for-the-bathroom-eww-nah(?). I don't care if Lady Gaga were to dedicate Bad Romance to me. I will probably poke somebody in the face if I have to compete with everyone in the Chicago-land area and their mother for the port-o-potties.

So there you have it - my top three worst nightmares...for now. What's ironic is that after December 2nd with my Crohn's in control, these "tricks" might soon be "treats".  In the words of Jack Skellington, "Eureka! This year, Christmas will be - OURS!"