New Year's Resolutions

This is definitely my favorite time of year.

I love the start of a new year. You are beginning a new period of your life and the possibilities are endless. What will you do tomorrow? What will you have for dinner one month and fourteen days from now? Will you take any vacations or trips this summer? What's your 2011 moto and do you have any resolutions? These are just some of the questions that go through my mind when I'm looking at my brand new calendar. 

My moto and calendar for 2011! Thanks, Mom and Dad.



I love to plan. In fact, I don't leave home without my planner...unless I forget it. I love looking at calendars and thinking about what's ahead. Whenever I get some sort of food or product with an expiration date on it, I think "I wonder what I'll be doing on that day in the future. Obviously this milk will have gone bad but will my life be any good?" Weird I know, but I am always thinking ahead.

Many people say they aren't good at keeping New Year's resolutions, but I like to make a few goals for myself. I keep these goals as a list in my planner and look at them throughout the year to see how I'm doing.

These were last year's 2010 goals...

1) Loose weight: I lost a little bit of weight but mostly from being sick. My goal for 2011 is to focus less on appearance, obsession over food, and the number on the scale.  The focus needs to be on just being healthy.

2) Figure out how to volunteer more time: I really didn't volunteer as much as I would have liked. This will continue to be goal for 2011.

3) Budget and build more savings: Meh. I did okay in this respect but now more than ever I need to save for the wedding in 2012, which is a fun and exciting goal for 2011.

4) Get an apartment: Mission accomplished.

5) Buy a car: Check!

If I was going to grade myself on keeping up with goals for 2010, I would give myself a cool sticker and B. I think there is always room for improvement, and over the weekend I plan on stepping back to really think about what are my five goals for 2011.

On my Seize the Day calendar for 2011, I was looking ahead to January 1st and it read: "Write it in your heart that everyday is the best day in the year.- Ralph Waldo Emerson"  What a great outlook! So the milk may go bad on January 14, 2011 and the Tastykake may not be so tasty on August 9, 2011 but I'll keep a positive heart and mind that those days will be "the best".

Cheers and hope everyone has happy & healthy 2011!

Not Giving Up: "No Colon and Still Rollin'"

Two weekends ago I received an early Christmas present, the Norwalk Virus. Apparently this little gift that keeps on giving is going around the Chicago area and it's highly contagious. This present arrived at around 2:30 pm on Friday, December 17th and by 5:00 pm left me extremely dehydrated because I couldn't keep any food or liquids down. I don't think I've ever been more scared of my body in my entire life. As I attempted to move from the couch to the car to get to the emergency room, I passed out. I snapped back to find my sister and Dave holding me and my mother calling for an ambulance. Long story short - I had to be admitted back into the hospital so that I could receive fluids through an i.v. and receive antibiotics. I'm not going to lie. I was feeling extremely defeated. Things were going so well and for awhile I felt like I had lost some of the confidence that this ileostomy was supposed to bring me.

As my parents and Dave had to remind me, this virus was beyond my control. In a way, this experience taught me some valuable lessons and that's why I'm referring to it as "a gift".

• Now that it's more important than ever to stay hydrated, I'm going to have to be extra cautious when it comes to germs, colds, and invest in some travel size Purell bottles. It's really true that you can never be too careful.
• I've never been a huge water drinker but now I plan on carrying a bottle of water and crackers in my purse (need the crackers to absorb the water).
• On the way to the hospital in the ambulance, one of the crew members told me he had Crohn's disease and just found out he had to have surgery for an ileosotomy. I was pretty out of it, but I recall very vividly that he had light blue, piercing eyes. This might sound kind of ridiculous but I kept thinking how they reminded me of Jesus' eyes in the pictures I used to see in my grade school growing up. I told him that despite this instance, I was very happy with my decision to have the surgery. This EMT told me he thought it was a good idea for himself as he'd been suffering for a long time.  Literally I had felt his pain and hopefully the surgery is a success for him as well. Talking to this EMT and hearing his story reminded me that once I'm fully recovered, I want to do more volunteer work and also help with the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation.

Two days into my hospital stay my dad and I were talking. He was trying to comfort me because I was upset that I was so frustrated. He said, "Well, I know that you are feeling down but sometimes you have to trust that everything happens for a reason." I'm a firm believer in this and am very fortunate that this hospital stay did not have to happen over Christmas. This virus was not on my list to Santa, but I learned quite a bit about how this new body needs to taken care of.  It's on good days like today where I'm feeling stronger that I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes, "Each day is a gift; that's why they call it the present."

The Little Things

After having such a major surgery, I feel as though I'm looking at the world with a completely different perspective and beginning to appreciate more of  life's minor details...the little things.

• There's nothing better than a good hug. When you are recovering from an operation, you have to be careful how tightly you embrace but to be able to wrap your arms around a person you care about is just pure goodness to me.
• The ability to sleep on your side is a beautfiul thing. A few days ago I was able to do this again and what a sense of relief. Colons may be overrated but sleep is not.
• Lattes: I've never been able to enjoy my standard coffee house drink here the way I can now. Food in general is just a completely different experience for me now which is quite amazing. I'm no longer eating something and then suffering through abdominal pain.
• I can't help but smile when I see a snowman (decoration, candy, or an actual one in a neighbor's yard). I love snowmen, snowwomen, and snowchildren. I don't discriminate. There's an undeniable loveableness about them and they are also made up of the simplest, little things: buttons, carrots, old hats, etc. Trivial trinkets that were once useless (who the heck uses carrots these days) now bring a pile of snow to life.

I remember watching the movie The Snowman several times as a kid. If you have not seen it, put in on your Netflix queue or watch the video below of the best part (WARNING: This song makes me cry...sigh.) It's about a boy who created a snowman and then the snowman takes him on a  "walk through the air" late at night. Hand in hand, they fly over the world and the snowman shows the boy all the beauty that's out there across the snow covered land.  Being so high above the towns and sea that they fly over, everything seems so little but for the boy - he's seeing the world in a whole new way and the snowman's friendship makes a big impact. 

I'm starting to discover all of the great little things that exist in my world and a lot of that is thanks to the friendships I have.  Like the little boy in The Snowman, I feel like I'm waking up to discover so many wonderful things that exist in my life that I didn't notice and I'm grateful for that gift.

"Colons are Overrated"

Hello from the homestead! It's been awhile since I have posted but to be honest, today was the first day I felt up to it. A "mix of a emotions" doesn't even accurately describe what I'm feeling...maybe a tsunami of emotions. So you will have to excuse me if this post seems flooded with random feelings.

It's been one week and three days since the surgery but it feels so much longer. In the wee hours of the morning on Thursday, December 2, my parents and I arrived at University of Chicago hospital. I didn't sleep the night before and actually was sending out work emails up until about 4:30 am. I'm sure my boss and coworkers thought this was ridiculous but I had to preoccupy myself with something to ease my anxiety. Once we arrived the hospital staff quickly took me under their care, made me feel comfortable, and then performed the surgery while I took a nice long nap. Anesthesiologist: "You are doing great." Me: "I am?" <Fade to Black> 

I awoke to find myself in the surgery recovery area and the nurse there said I was "the best patient" for whatever reason...maybe because the guy across from me was yelling and irritating all who interacted with him. The nurse reminded me exactly of Dr. Kerry Weaver from E.R., this realization lead me to believe I was still under anesthesia. I told the nurse she needed to eat Pequod's pizza, and she promised me she would order one that night.  At one point, my parents and Dave appeared and told me that I was "doing great". Everything else after that is very blurry but I remember the nurses saying "Hooray! You got a room!" as if I had just booked a suite at the Bellagio on New Year's Eve or something. Although UIC is nothing like Sin City, I soon discovered that lady luck was definitely on my side to a good recovery.   

I arrived in my hospital room, Room TS376. The next few days were difficult and filled with little sleep and little food. The nurses on my floor were really, very nice except when they gave me burning Heparin shots three times a day or came into my room at 4:30 am to check my vitals, which were just a few of the necessary evils. I did my best to make sure I walked around the hospital floor a lot to get the digestive system to "wake up" as they say and give the recovery process of a jump start. Plus I wanted to show off my sweet "Urban Outfitter sale-rack-esque" hospital gown, skills at maneuvering the i.v. pole, and get in some cardio.  Before I knew it, I was eating a low-residue diet that would make Atkins followers weep, learning all my ostomy skills with the stoma nurse, and then finally signing the paper work to head home earlier than expected! Jackpot.


So here I am...home but not alone. My parents have been helping me through coming to terms with this new body and honestly I really do not know what I would do without them.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed because I don't think they'll ever know how much I appreciate what they have done and continually do for me to get through this.


There are moments where I am on top of the world and there are moments where I sob because I don't know what to feel or do. It's strange at times but whatever the moment is - I'm determined to get through the tough ones and live in the good ones. My Aunt Rose sent me this awesome t-shirt that read "Colons are Overrated" and you know...they really are. Tonight I'm getting ready to go to sleep without pain or having to wake up multiple times to use the bathroom. It's the moments like this where you realize it was all worth it.  I took a picture of the hospital room number on my phone because I wanted a reminder of the challenges I faced in the hospital and how I survived. There are more challenges to come. However, I have discovered that there's nothing I can't do without family, friends, and God... and there's more that I can do without a colon.

I think I can...I think I can...

As many of my friends will tell you, I'm not a fan of public transportation. I live a stone throw away from one of the city's metra lines but have never ridden. Part of the reason I don't like relying on planes, trains, and buses is because of my condition (but hopefully this will change after the surgery.)  The only train you could possibly ever find under my Facebook interests is one from a childhood narrative, the little blue engine.

Seriously - how can you not love a story about optimism and hard work? According to Wikipedia, the story was written around 1906 and since then it has "choo-choo'd" slowly but surely into the hearts of generations to come, including mine. 

In previous posts, I have often described this disease as fighting a battle, but in the past six months it's been more like trying to push a train up a high mountain to achieve better health. The ileostomy I'm about to have tomorrow is like the little blue engine and we're almost to the top!

So large intestine, colon, and rectum...it's been fun but we're done. I've got places to go and people to see and you're not holding me back. I think I can...I think I can...WAIT...I know I can have a better quality of life without you. Proceed to the nearest exit.

Thanks to all for your prayers and support because they have also been the little blue engines to get me through. Full steam ahead!

Thanksgiving Part Deux

The hours are winding down of this Thanksgiving weekend and unless Oprah shows up and gives me everything on her Favorite Things List, then there is no possible way this weekend could get any better. In fact, it was the greatest Thanksgiving...or weekend...that ever was.

I have mentioned Dave on my blog in an earlier post and as many of you know he is the "gravy to my mashed potatoes". On Tuesday evening he completely suprised me and proposed. He felt this was the best time because he wanted me to know that he would be there for me in the coming week.  I'm still on cloud nine and not even pending surgery can bring me down. The weekend was filled with family, food, and fun and I feel extremely thankful.

There are about 3 days, 87 hours, 5235 minutes, and 4 meals until the surgery...but who's counting? Liquid diet starts on Tuesday but until then I'm savoring every moment and morsel of happiness.  Thanks to everyone for all the support and following the blog. When I'm scared I have re-read the comments on previous posts and it's helped me feel at peace. Love all of you!!

"But Charlie Brown, it's Thanksgiving."

Turkey time is upon us. We have a few Thanksgiving traditions in our household that I look forward to: Carrot Casserole, the "Thanksgiving Movie" after dinner, watching/laughing at the the dog show that airs after the parade with my youngest sister, trying to get the stereo system to work before dinner, and the annual pie baking contest. I've got a smile on my face just thinking about the smell of stuffing and turkey that fills the kitchen on Thursday morning. Yummers.

This year Thanksgiving is more about family then ever. It's the first time my sisters, brother, and parents will have been together since the summer. There's a lot to be thankful for this year, and I'm looking forward to taking this time to relax and eat before the surgery (which is one week from Thursday!!!).

Last week, I was channel surfing (and thinking about pumpkin pie) when I came across A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. I stopped to watch and good ol' Marcie reminded me and "Charles" of something really important (after a Thanksgiving dinner seemed like it was ruined):

But Thanksgiving is more than eating, Chuck. You heard what Linus was saying out there. Those early Pilgrims were thankful for what had happened to them, and we should be thankful, too. We should just be thankful for being together. I think that's what they mean by 'Thanksgiving,' Charlie Brown.

There have been countless days where I've felt like Charlie Brown and I just can't "kick the ball". I just wanted to give up and yell "Arghh!!!", but then the Marcies in my life appeared to offer some words of wisdom (or a laugh) and gave me the gusto to try again and "whip my hair" as they say.

Having Crohn's disease has not been easy but it's taught me to appreciate all the good moments in life where illness goes away for a little. My family has helped me through so much but they also remind me that I'm more than this disease. There's a part of my spirit that pain cannot touch, and you have to cherish the times where you can allow yourself to escape what ails you...like a Thanksgiving dinner at home with the ones you love.

Something Comes Between Me and My Calvin's

So this week it was time for me to strike a pose. Actually I had to strike several poses so that one of the ostomy nurses could determine the placement of my stoma (where the ostomy pouch will attach). Trying to imagine this pouch under my shirt lead me to wonder how I'll be dressing differently after the surgery. I'm not one to parade around in revealing or skimpy outfits, but I like to look like I'm not wearing a potato sack every once in awhile. In my opinion there's nothing better than some good retail therapy and ogling over a Nordstrom's catalog. I love clothes - period.

However there is something I must confess. When I'm having a "lazy style day",  I look like I should be on What Not to Wear (i.e. the Domino's Order Pick-Up Disaster of July 2010 where I sported flannel flip flops, bright aqua knee high sweats with PINK on butt, bar crawl t-shirt with hole in the armpit, wet hair in bun with magenta headband, no makeup and then proceeded to run into sister's high school friends. Girl: "Hey! You look familiar!" Me: "...and probably very ridiculous."). The truth is sometimes when you don't feel good on the inside, the last thing you care about is getting gussied up.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say to me, "Geez, you look really tired today." aka "Geez, you look about as pretty as Charlize Theron in Monster right now." Sigh.
There are days when I care and there are days when I don't. I've turned into an Almond Joy of fashion, and sometimes I feel like a nut. Chicago Fashionistas, I can't help it if I'd rather wear a fleece onesie on a Friday night, then put on a pair of jeans, high heels, and a halter top.  No longer am I ashamed of my "lazy style days" because I've been through more shameful experiences dealing with a disease that involves bathrooms and "tummy troubles". I prefer to be comfortable when I'm uncomfortable - so take that Joan Rivers! I know that I may have to pull a Tim Gunn and "make it work" with whatever clothing obstacles arise after the surgery, but I'm up for the challenge. Vogue.

Doctor! Doctor! Give me the news...and order me some pizza, preferably Lou's.

As I count down the days to surgery (nineteen!!!), I have been thinking about a lot things but mostly...food. I have been reading that prior to the surgery I won't be able to eat for a day or two as part of the prep. During surgery, I had requested an i.v. of chocolate but this was unfortunately denied. Post surgery, I won't be able to eat solid foods until my doctor can hear bowel sounds (hopefully my stomach and small intestine are shouting "Feed me!!!") and I can tolerate liquids. It's really not going to be that long, but I get antsy if I even skip breakfast.

So for the past month my stomach and I have gone into panic mode.  I have been savoring each meal as though it's my last and have developed this mentality that only time will tell before I'm tolerating my usual favorites once I'm recovering: sushi, veggie omelets, turkey sandwiches, pizza and of course anything chocolate.

During the week I have been "trying" really hard to be healthy, drink my V8, and get in as much fruit as possible, but there are some moments where I feel like I've become "Girl vs. Food". Seriously, I could totally dominate Adam Richman right now! What makes it even more difficult to not obsess about food? I work for one of the biggest food companies in the world. 

The key for me to not transform into a contender for The Biggest Loser is some form of exercise and finding other ways to cope with emotions of anxiety (besides food). Although I haven't had much energy to really go full force at the gym, I am learning to do what I can. This includes Denise Austin's 12 minute workout DVD, flexing my abs during the commute to work, walking to a friend's house, or dancing around my apartment with my iPod. In terms of dealing with emotions, I have found that talking to friends and family and blogging have really helped me (so thanks to all who have been listening and reading). 

There's nothing like a good slice of pizza, a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup (or five), or a tasty spicy tuna roll from your favorite Japanese restaurant, but at the end of the day (or a good meal) I must remind myself that it's about feeding your soul in addition to feeding your stomach.

The To-Do List Conundrum: Stress and Success

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! It's 5:00 am. As I lay in bed, I begin the daily debate of hitting the gym or the snooze. Snooze wins. BEEP! BEEP! It's 5:15 am and I could get up now and get in 45 minutes of cardio before work but my body just wants to rest. So in round two of stair-climber versus slumber, sleep wins again. 6:30 am Time to get up. I make some breakfast, get ready for work and...sigh...with guilt I change AM Workout to PM Workout on my to-do list. I know that I probably won't be up for going to the gym after work, but at this point in the day I'm optimistic this will...okay, might get crossed off. 

There's no greater feeling than crossing something off the to-do list. Each night I make a list for the following day. I plan out errands I need to accomplish, meals for the day, and hourly schedule. When I was in 6th grade, I remember my dad gave me a big yellow legal pad and taught me the importance of making lists like this. At first I hated writing down the chores I had to complete but now it's become a hobby.

As Ice Cube once rapped, "Life ain't a track meet, it's a marathon", and lately I've felt disappointed in myself when I can't keep up in this race. My energy level isn't quite up to par and with all that's going on inside internally, it frustrates me when it affects me externally. I know that I have great expectations for myself, but maybe I'm setting the bar too high some days. As my mother reminds me, my body is fighting against a disease, and the result of that is going to be fatigue.  Although I fight to accept it - it's more than okay to take the time I need to relax. Adding stress to that mix, especially my self imposed stress of completing this daily to-do list, does not help. So the "The List" has been modified. I stick to a few things I want to accomplish for the week and don't make an hourly schedule for myself. I still write down what I eat because it helps me focus on eating healthier (and I'm obsessed with food). So if I don't accomplish a 5 am workout these days, that's okay because I know that I'm at least crossing off "make health and sleep a priority".

Beauty and the ileostomy Beast

A few weeks ago one of my all time favorite movies was released on DVD, Beauty & the Beast. How can you not love this movie? I actually hate that I love it so much.

My family thinks it's hilarious.

The reason they get a kick out of me and this animated film is that I actually can't even talk about...or think about without sobbing... the opening where the witch turns the Prince into the Beast and the scene ends with the line, "For who could ever learn to love a beast?". 



Yes, I'm crying right now. It's sad, okay? WHO could love a beast? WHO?!? Okay, obviously Belle could in the end but it took me awhile to believe this could potentially happen when a talking French candlestick is inviting unwanted peeps to stay for dinner, teacups are complaining about bedtimes, and an overly emotional armoire is suggesting someone wear daffodil-yellow during winter.

I digress. At the end of the day, the movie has a powerful message that I have to embrace for myself: It's what's on the inside that counts.  Easier said then done, Walt.

I have a lot in common with the story's main character. I have an obsession with a mirror, confidence issues, wilting flowers in my studio, and friends who put up with my mood swings. However, I see myself becoming even more "Beastly" once I have my ilieostomy in December.  When I first googled what an ileostomy and colostomy pouch looked like, I found it to very jarring, weird, and upsetting. As my surgeon described, "You probably won't win a bikini contest". I kept thinking about how long it would take me to look at my body and feel somewhat like a Belle.

It's when I realized how caught up I was getting in my appearance that I had to step back. Honestly, I have never been completely happy with my appearance, nor will I ever be (surgery or not), and who the heck is? Just because my body isn't perfect doesn't mean that I can't find happiness. There's a really great quote from my Don't Sweat the Small Stuff calendar that helped me achieve this ah-ha moment, "Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."  Okay, so I won't ever be asked to pose for Playboy but with this ileostomy I could go read a Playboy (or some more appropriate periodical) on the beach in a cute J.Crew one-piece without worries or urgent need of a restroom. Pretty soon we'll see if this fairy tale will comes true and Jiminy Cricket... I hope it does.

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing.

Did you know that there are 9 million bicycles in Beijing, that they put Tabasco^® Sauce on pizza in Mexico, and that the Walleye is the State Fish of Minnesota?  Yep, these are all just a few random factoids that I never knew until I met Dave.

In terms of smiles, Dave has the BEST I have ever seen. It's like a baby bunny sniffing a flower. I could be having the worst day or the worst week, and I see this big, genuine smile…my worries melt away and I feel at ease. It’s why I keep a picture of Dave and his goofy grin next to my Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff Calendar at work. 

They say time flies when you are having fun. Well if that’s the case, then time must be traveling at the speed of light since we started dating about four years ago.  Dave has taught me a lot about myself and has motivated me to keep going when I just wanted to give up. His jokes, fun factoids, obession with what states a person has traveled to, and curiosity of what one has had for dinner have made me laugh even in when I was in the worst pain.

Despite my worrisome nature and health flaws, Dave loves me. How or why am I so lucky? I will never understand, but I'm fortunate to have him in my life...and that's a fact.

9021-woah!

I'm addicted to E! E! news that is...and tabloids, people.com, DWTS and anything/everything celebrity related. I find the lives of Hollywood's elite so fascinating.

I have been doing a lot of research to understand more about life with an ostomy and this past week I discovered that actress, Shannen Doherty, suffers from Crohn's disease. In an interview around 1999, Shannen described the unappealing nature of this disease. "There's nothing sexy about a woman saying, 'I have to go to the bathroom right now'". 

Trust me. There truly isn't.

There's also nothing sexy about going to the bathroom repeatedly during a first date, using the men's bathroom because the women's is occupied, or having an accident at party, in your car, or during school. It's the most unsexy feeling in the world. You feel dirty, like your body is out of control, and frustrated. However it's in these moments that I've discovered that I have people in my life who truly care about me. That amazingly wouldn't think twice to help me in these embarrassing situations. That washed my jeans, cleaned the interior of my Jeep, and hugged me.

What I wanted to tell them after these incidents was similar to what Brenda told Brandon in an early 90210 episode, "No matter how crazed and bent out of shape I ever got, you were always there for me and I'll never forget it. You really are my best friend." So to all my "Brandons" out there, I'm very grateful God put you in my zipcode.

Salads, Seat Belts and Other Things That Scare Me

October is upon us and the reminder that Halloween is just around the corner is well...actually the annual reappearance of the costume store on the corner of Belmont and Sheffield. Another reminder is the abundance of horror movies that are released and promoted in every other commercial this time of year.

I hate scary movies. The closest you can get me to watch a film of this nature is Disney's The Nightmare Before Christmas (and that's only if you hold my hand during all scenes and musical numbers in Halloween Town).

However, I would rather be handcuffed to a chair and watch the Exorcist then do any of the following:

1. Eat a salad: Would love to be one of those people who is a slave to the cafeteria salad bar at lunchtime or orders off of the vast, delicious menu of green goodness at Panera. Unfortunately my digestive system can't handle veggies that well... Caesar Salad = Texas Chainsaw Massacre of abdominal pain.
2. Take a plane, train, or automobile: Yes, I understand that due to safety precautions, airlines must have a strict policy when it comes to remaining in your seat with one's belt fastened. However, the thought of sharing a confined space and bathroom with 200-300 other people during a limited amount of time where passengers are "free to move about the cabin" is dreadful. Thanks to the beverage cart and turbulence, my stomach is usually shifting along with the contents of the overhead bin. Trains are a little scary too...especially if it's the El which does not have bathrooms (Amtrak does thank goodness). Put me on the Blue Line with a Starbucks Skinny Vanilla Latte, and I will come after you like Jason. Cars are usually fine for the most part (except on fiver hour long car rides or rush hour traffic). Talk about road rage.  
3. Attend an event involving large crowds: You say Lollapalooza, and I say Looong-line-for-the-bathroom-eww-nah(?). I don't care if Lady Gaga were to dedicate Bad Romance to me. I will probably poke somebody in the face if I have to compete with everyone in the Chicago-land area and their mother for the port-o-potties.

So there you have it - my top three worst nightmares...for now. What's ironic is that after December 2nd with my Crohn's in control, these "tricks" might soon be "treats".  In the words of Jack Skellington, "Eureka! This year, Christmas will be - OURS!"

This End Up

On December 2, I will have an endo-ileosotomy that will end a nine year, roller-coaster ride with Crohn's Disease.

Since my diagnosis at 16, this locomote of loops has gone at a variety of speeds and directions. Occasionally the ride was fairly smooth...trundling along but nothing I couldn't handle. Medicines worked and my colon cooperated.

Sometimes the ride took me upside down without a seat belt on a track without guard-rails. My body felt like it had given up, and I never wanted to leave sight of a bathroom. I did not see an end to these unpredictable thrills and spills until today.

I'm starting this blog to keep my friends, family, and maybe some even some fellow "Crohnies" out there, in the loop about one of the biggest changes I'll probably ever experience in my life. I've been through a lot with this disease and many of you have been riding this roller-coaster with me. I've made the decision to have a surgery that's going to allow me to experience a better quality of life, and I can't wait.  December 2nd marks a new chapter of change for the better. So however you ended up here, I hope you'll stick with me for one more ride.