A few weeks ago one of my all time favorite movies was released on DVD, Beauty & the Beast. How can you not love this movie? I actually hate that I love it so much.
My family thinks it's hilarious.
The reason they get a kick out of me and this animated film is that I actually can't even talk about...or think about without sobbing... the opening where the witch turns the Prince into the Beast and the scene ends with the line, "For who could ever learn to love a beast?".
Yes, I'm crying right now. It's sad, okay? WHO could love a beast? WHO?!? Okay, obviously Belle could in the end but it took me awhile to believe this could potentially happen when a talking French candlestick is inviting unwanted peeps to stay for dinner, teacups are complaining about bedtimes, and an overly emotional armoire is suggesting someone wear daffodil-yellow during winter.
I digress. At the end of the day, the movie has a powerful message that I have to embrace for myself: It's what's on the inside that counts. Easier said then done, Walt.
I have a lot in common with the story's main character. I have an obsession with a mirror, confidence issues, wilting flowers in my studio, and friends who put up with my mood swings. However, I see myself becoming even more "Beastly" once I have my ilieostomy in December. When I first googled what an ileostomy and colostomy pouch looked like, I found it to very jarring, weird, and upsetting. As my surgeon described, "You probably won't win a bikini contest". I kept thinking about how long it would take me to look at my body and feel somewhat like a Belle.
It's when I realized how caught up I was getting in my appearance that I had to step back. Honestly, I have never been completely happy with my appearance, nor will I ever be (surgery or not), and who the heck is? Just because my body isn't perfect doesn't mean that I can't find happiness. There's a really great quote from my Don't Sweat the Small Stuff calendar that helped me achieve this ah-ha moment, "Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections." Okay, so I won't ever be asked to pose for Playboy but with this ileostomy I could go read a Playboy (or some more appropriate periodical) on the beach in a cute J.Crew one-piece without worries or urgent need of a restroom. Pretty soon we'll see if this fairy tale will comes true and Jiminy Cricket... I hope it does.
This post made me cry (and we know how difficult that is...lol) as I too have loved that fairy tale. I think most people can identify with it because there is something beastly in all of us. No surgery can alter the most beautiful thing about you and that is your spirit, your heart which is so evident in your writing.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteI will pray that your fairy tale does come true and am sure that the love and support from your wonderful family and friends will be a big help to you as you move forward with this decision. You have always been beautiful - especially on the inside.
Mrs. N.
Beautiful post Katie. I recently came across this saying by George Ohsawa..... "Accept everything with great pleasure and thanks. Accept misfortune like happiness, disease like health, poverty like prosperity. And if you do not like it and cannot stand it, refer to your Universal Compass, The Unique Principle. (and for me that is God within me) There you will find the best direction. Everything that happens to you is what you lack. All that is antagonistic or unbearable is complimentary. The person who embraces his or her antagonist is the happiest person.
ReplyDeleteThose words give me so much peace....I hope they do the same for you. None of us escape this earthly life without our struggles. The ones we get are meant specifically for us.....and in the end....all will be well.
still cracks me up...
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