New Year's Resolutions

This is definitely my favorite time of year.

I love the start of a new year. You are beginning a new period of your life and the possibilities are endless. What will you do tomorrow? What will you have for dinner one month and fourteen days from now? Will you take any vacations or trips this summer? What's your 2011 moto and do you have any resolutions? These are just some of the questions that go through my mind when I'm looking at my brand new calendar. 

My moto and calendar for 2011! Thanks, Mom and Dad.



I love to plan. In fact, I don't leave home without my planner...unless I forget it. I love looking at calendars and thinking about what's ahead. Whenever I get some sort of food or product with an expiration date on it, I think "I wonder what I'll be doing on that day in the future. Obviously this milk will have gone bad but will my life be any good?" Weird I know, but I am always thinking ahead.

Many people say they aren't good at keeping New Year's resolutions, but I like to make a few goals for myself. I keep these goals as a list in my planner and look at them throughout the year to see how I'm doing.

These were last year's 2010 goals...

1) Loose weight: I lost a little bit of weight but mostly from being sick. My goal for 2011 is to focus less on appearance, obsession over food, and the number on the scale.  The focus needs to be on just being healthy.

2) Figure out how to volunteer more time: I really didn't volunteer as much as I would have liked. This will continue to be goal for 2011.

3) Budget and build more savings: Meh. I did okay in this respect but now more than ever I need to save for the wedding in 2012, which is a fun and exciting goal for 2011.

4) Get an apartment: Mission accomplished.

5) Buy a car: Check!

If I was going to grade myself on keeping up with goals for 2010, I would give myself a cool sticker and B. I think there is always room for improvement, and over the weekend I plan on stepping back to really think about what are my five goals for 2011.

On my Seize the Day calendar for 2011, I was looking ahead to January 1st and it read: "Write it in your heart that everyday is the best day in the year.- Ralph Waldo Emerson"  What a great outlook! So the milk may go bad on January 14, 2011 and the Tastykake may not be so tasty on August 9, 2011 but I'll keep a positive heart and mind that those days will be "the best".

Cheers and hope everyone has happy & healthy 2011!

Not Giving Up: "No Colon and Still Rollin'"

Two weekends ago I received an early Christmas present, the Norwalk Virus. Apparently this little gift that keeps on giving is going around the Chicago area and it's highly contagious. This present arrived at around 2:30 pm on Friday, December 17th and by 5:00 pm left me extremely dehydrated because I couldn't keep any food or liquids down. I don't think I've ever been more scared of my body in my entire life. As I attempted to move from the couch to the car to get to the emergency room, I passed out. I snapped back to find my sister and Dave holding me and my mother calling for an ambulance. Long story short - I had to be admitted back into the hospital so that I could receive fluids through an i.v. and receive antibiotics. I'm not going to lie. I was feeling extremely defeated. Things were going so well and for awhile I felt like I had lost some of the confidence that this ileostomy was supposed to bring me.

As my parents and Dave had to remind me, this virus was beyond my control. In a way, this experience taught me some valuable lessons and that's why I'm referring to it as "a gift".

• Now that it's more important than ever to stay hydrated, I'm going to have to be extra cautious when it comes to germs, colds, and invest in some travel size Purell bottles. It's really true that you can never be too careful.
• I've never been a huge water drinker but now I plan on carrying a bottle of water and crackers in my purse (need the crackers to absorb the water).
• On the way to the hospital in the ambulance, one of the crew members told me he had Crohn's disease and just found out he had to have surgery for an ileosotomy. I was pretty out of it, but I recall very vividly that he had light blue, piercing eyes. This might sound kind of ridiculous but I kept thinking how they reminded me of Jesus' eyes in the pictures I used to see in my grade school growing up. I told him that despite this instance, I was very happy with my decision to have the surgery. This EMT told me he thought it was a good idea for himself as he'd been suffering for a long time.  Literally I had felt his pain and hopefully the surgery is a success for him as well. Talking to this EMT and hearing his story reminded me that once I'm fully recovered, I want to do more volunteer work and also help with the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation.

Two days into my hospital stay my dad and I were talking. He was trying to comfort me because I was upset that I was so frustrated. He said, "Well, I know that you are feeling down but sometimes you have to trust that everything happens for a reason." I'm a firm believer in this and am very fortunate that this hospital stay did not have to happen over Christmas. This virus was not on my list to Santa, but I learned quite a bit about how this new body needs to taken care of.  It's on good days like today where I'm feeling stronger that I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes, "Each day is a gift; that's why they call it the present."

The Little Things

After having such a major surgery, I feel as though I'm looking at the world with a completely different perspective and beginning to appreciate more of  life's minor details...the little things.

• There's nothing better than a good hug. When you are recovering from an operation, you have to be careful how tightly you embrace but to be able to wrap your arms around a person you care about is just pure goodness to me.
• The ability to sleep on your side is a beautfiul thing. A few days ago I was able to do this again and what a sense of relief. Colons may be overrated but sleep is not.
• Lattes: I've never been able to enjoy my standard coffee house drink here the way I can now. Food in general is just a completely different experience for me now which is quite amazing. I'm no longer eating something and then suffering through abdominal pain.
• I can't help but smile when I see a snowman (decoration, candy, or an actual one in a neighbor's yard). I love snowmen, snowwomen, and snowchildren. I don't discriminate. There's an undeniable loveableness about them and they are also made up of the simplest, little things: buttons, carrots, old hats, etc. Trivial trinkets that were once useless (who the heck uses carrots these days) now bring a pile of snow to life.

I remember watching the movie The Snowman several times as a kid. If you have not seen it, put in on your Netflix queue or watch the video below of the best part (WARNING: This song makes me cry...sigh.) It's about a boy who created a snowman and then the snowman takes him on a  "walk through the air" late at night. Hand in hand, they fly over the world and the snowman shows the boy all the beauty that's out there across the snow covered land.  Being so high above the towns and sea that they fly over, everything seems so little but for the boy - he's seeing the world in a whole new way and the snowman's friendship makes a big impact. 

I'm starting to discover all of the great little things that exist in my world and a lot of that is thanks to the friendships I have.  Like the little boy in The Snowman, I feel like I'm waking up to discover so many wonderful things that exist in my life that I didn't notice and I'm grateful for that gift.

"Colons are Overrated"

Hello from the homestead! It's been awhile since I have posted but to be honest, today was the first day I felt up to it. A "mix of a emotions" doesn't even accurately describe what I'm feeling...maybe a tsunami of emotions. So you will have to excuse me if this post seems flooded with random feelings.

It's been one week and three days since the surgery but it feels so much longer. In the wee hours of the morning on Thursday, December 2, my parents and I arrived at University of Chicago hospital. I didn't sleep the night before and actually was sending out work emails up until about 4:30 am. I'm sure my boss and coworkers thought this was ridiculous but I had to preoccupy myself with something to ease my anxiety. Once we arrived the hospital staff quickly took me under their care, made me feel comfortable, and then performed the surgery while I took a nice long nap. Anesthesiologist: "You are doing great." Me: "I am?" <Fade to Black> 

I awoke to find myself in the surgery recovery area and the nurse there said I was "the best patient" for whatever reason...maybe because the guy across from me was yelling and irritating all who interacted with him. The nurse reminded me exactly of Dr. Kerry Weaver from E.R., this realization lead me to believe I was still under anesthesia. I told the nurse she needed to eat Pequod's pizza, and she promised me she would order one that night.  At one point, my parents and Dave appeared and told me that I was "doing great". Everything else after that is very blurry but I remember the nurses saying "Hooray! You got a room!" as if I had just booked a suite at the Bellagio on New Year's Eve or something. Although UIC is nothing like Sin City, I soon discovered that lady luck was definitely on my side to a good recovery.   

I arrived in my hospital room, Room TS376. The next few days were difficult and filled with little sleep and little food. The nurses on my floor were really, very nice except when they gave me burning Heparin shots three times a day or came into my room at 4:30 am to check my vitals, which were just a few of the necessary evils. I did my best to make sure I walked around the hospital floor a lot to get the digestive system to "wake up" as they say and give the recovery process of a jump start. Plus I wanted to show off my sweet "Urban Outfitter sale-rack-esque" hospital gown, skills at maneuvering the i.v. pole, and get in some cardio.  Before I knew it, I was eating a low-residue diet that would make Atkins followers weep, learning all my ostomy skills with the stoma nurse, and then finally signing the paper work to head home earlier than expected! Jackpot.


So here I am...home but not alone. My parents have been helping me through coming to terms with this new body and honestly I really do not know what I would do without them.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed because I don't think they'll ever know how much I appreciate what they have done and continually do for me to get through this.


There are moments where I am on top of the world and there are moments where I sob because I don't know what to feel or do. It's strange at times but whatever the moment is - I'm determined to get through the tough ones and live in the good ones. My Aunt Rose sent me this awesome t-shirt that read "Colons are Overrated" and you know...they really are. Tonight I'm getting ready to go to sleep without pain or having to wake up multiple times to use the bathroom. It's the moments like this where you realize it was all worth it.  I took a picture of the hospital room number on my phone because I wanted a reminder of the challenges I faced in the hospital and how I survived. There are more challenges to come. However, I have discovered that there's nothing I can't do without family, friends, and God... and there's more that I can do without a colon.

I think I can...I think I can...

As many of my friends will tell you, I'm not a fan of public transportation. I live a stone throw away from one of the city's metra lines but have never ridden. Part of the reason I don't like relying on planes, trains, and buses is because of my condition (but hopefully this will change after the surgery.)  The only train you could possibly ever find under my Facebook interests is one from a childhood narrative, the little blue engine.

Seriously - how can you not love a story about optimism and hard work? According to Wikipedia, the story was written around 1906 and since then it has "choo-choo'd" slowly but surely into the hearts of generations to come, including mine. 

In previous posts, I have often described this disease as fighting a battle, but in the past six months it's been more like trying to push a train up a high mountain to achieve better health. The ileostomy I'm about to have tomorrow is like the little blue engine and we're almost to the top!

So large intestine, colon, and rectum...it's been fun but we're done. I've got places to go and people to see and you're not holding me back. I think I can...I think I can...WAIT...I know I can have a better quality of life without you. Proceed to the nearest exit.

Thanks to all for your prayers and support because they have also been the little blue engines to get me through. Full steam ahead!